Canned Wood

At the Canned Heat concert last Saturday, I witnessed many people dancing—namely, a crowd of baby boomers and David Clisbee.  Clisbee had a handle on his situation.  He rocked out in the front row, holding on to the metal barrier for dear life while storms of sixty-year-old arms and legs—enveloped in a cloud of dust and swarming dragonflies—swung and flailed around him.  These baby boomers, bitten by the dancing bug, moved with the grace and malleability of petrified wood.  It was quite a site, one I’d use as proof that there’s an over supply of Viagra and Cialis to this specific demographic.  Is it that E.D. pills help old guys get hard, or does it keep them hard long enough to give them the impression that the sex was worth their time?  I ask because new reports suggest baseball players use dick pills to gain a competitive edge.  They’re reported to increase an athlete’s stamina.  Imagine playing shortstop in the majors: you’re trying to turn a 4-6-3 double play when you notice the base runner barreling down on you with a Texas-sized boner.  Sure gives new meaning to the phrase sliding in, spikes up.  Whatever the reasoning may be, the dance moves I saw executed last weekend made me think that getting it up would be difficult for these men.  This is not to say that the baby boomer women were unattractive; I was too distracted by the spastic shoulder bobs and rhythmically inept hip twists to notice looks.  I’m not sure why the Baptist church was so afraid dancing would lead to sex during the baby boomers’ teenage years.  There was nothing sexy about what happened at Canned Heat.  Nothing.

Derrick Rose!

The newest member of Da Bulls!

Baseball's Sad Lexicon

by Franklin Pierce Adams

These are the saddest of possible words:
"Tinker to Evers to Chance."
Trio of bear cubs, and fleeter than birds,
Tinker and Evers and Chance.
Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble,
Making a Giant hit into a double-
Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:
"Tinker to Evers to Chance."

I've read this article three times now.

More background on the poem here.

I don't know that Theriot to DeRosa to Lee has the same ring to it.  Let's hope they can get the same results as the Tinker to Evers to Chance team of 1908.

The Savages

I rented this movie last week.  It's not that I didn't like it, but my expectations weren't fulfilled.  Did I think the movie would be some sort of continuation to The Wonder Years or Boy Meets World television series? Yes.  Family Guy, Futurama, and Sex and the City have released feature-length motion pictures/DVDs.  It seems like all the rage right now.  Perhaps I thought it would be a documentary on the lives of Fred and Ben Savage?  Absolutely.  Where are those crazy fuckers now?  I'd like to know.  Did I bother to check the back of the DVD case before renting? No, I did not.  

The real life Savage boys were nowhere to be found in this movie.  I thought that at the very least they would make a cameo.  Did I watch the movie a second time to double check that they weren't extras or that one of the brother's cardboard standees wasn't being used as set decoration?  I'm just not willing to say at this point.  I guess I'm just bummed that the video store doesn't carry the The Wonder Years series.  It's a damn shame.

Great

Blackhawks took Kyle "the punching bag" Beach in the first round of this year's NHL draft.  Take a look at this video of Beach taking a shot to the face.  Kid's got a glass jaw.  And a history of injures comparable to Martin Havlat.  So in addition to being a non-factor in the enforcer role, he'll contribute to the Hawks' medical costs more so than the team's scoring output.  Prove me wrong, Beach.  Prove me wrong.

BAM

Junot Diaz on The Colbert Report

Pat Foley!

Thank you, John McDonough, for catering to the fans.  Welcome back, Pat Foley.  Can't wait to hear you call some Hawks' games on WGN next season.  

Hawks.