I live in Minnesota, but I'm feeling California

Call me a southeast-sider; I'm moving to Minneapolis. Here are the particulars of the new apartment: two bedrooms with walk-in closets; a living room and dining room that, when combined, are bigger than my current place; huge kitchen with new cabinets and a built-in…I don’t know what you’d call it, maybe a floor-to-ceiling hutch; standard sized bathroom; and so much more. Let's take a look.

The Manor.

Let me show you around inside.

Look at the windows!

Look at that archway!

And what’s this? A buffet. Sure, you can come over for dinner; we love to entertain.

This is the backyard, where our landlord has supplied the building with a grill for all of the tenants to use.

But wait, that looks like a garage. Does this mean no more scraping snow off the car in the morning, no more starting the car then going back inside to get ready for work? Could it be?

Yeah, dipshit. You know it is. Now stop acting like a dink and just show everyone the remaining pictures.

Sorry for being obnoxious. I've never had a grown-up apartment before. I'll try to keep it under control from here on out.

Kitchen with the huge built-in hutch.

Kitchen #2

Kitchen #3

Hallway

Bathroom

1st Bedroom

1st bedroom's walk-in closet w/built-in dresser (plus Kate)

2nd Bedroom

2nd Bedroom's walk-in closet w/built-in shelves (plus Kate)

If you visit, we will cook for you and have a bed ready. If more than a few stay at one time, some might have to settle for the couch or an air mattress. In any case: stop on by real soon, you here.

I can't even take a break to enjoy a movie

I had one of those moments, where—during the opening sequence of a movie, the establishing shots—I forgot what I was watching. Then words began to fade in over a wash of gray-white clouds and I couldn’t decipher whether it spelled out the lead actor’s name or the movie’s title. They came into focus and I had to sound them out phonetically in my head. “THE-BUK O-FEEL-EE.”

What nationality could a person be with a name like that? Nigerian mixed with Irish and Italian? Was he the guy in Blood Diamond, or Kick Boxer? A few minutes later I realized the star of this movie was not Thebook O’Feli. No. I came to this realization after seeing an image of Denzel Washington, watching another minute of The Book of Eli.

If I have to write another cover letter, my brain will liquefy, turn to goo; it will be no more here. The move to Minneapolis takes place two weeks from today. I promise to post pictures of the new apartment soon.