Friday, March 28, 2008

Poop and other shit

This school makes no sense. Someone--the janitor? the president? a fecalpheliac?--feels it is necessary to keep the doors to men's bathrooms open at all times. Damn near all of them.

I walked by a men's room on my way to work this morning--the one closest to that large indoor track, for those of you who familiar with MSU. The door that says MEN on it, wide open. There was a man in there--at least I hope it was a man--and he was dropping a deucenberg. I know because I heard him. From the hallway. The whoopie-cushion sounds slapping back and forth against the tile walls, which would usually make me giggle, actually made me feel sorry for the guy.

Students, faculty, staff, and vistors passing by do not need to experience the sounds of a public restroom like that. Why are the fucking doors to the men's restrooms always open at this school?
I kept walking to work, and a woman who I've never seen/met before said, "Good morning." This bugged me. She didn't know that I don't enjoy speaking to people early in the morning or that I had just heard the first movement of Bathroom Symphonique; I understand this. But that's exactly why one shouldn't talk to strangers. When I heard this unwarranted greeting, my whole body tensed. The sound of her voice was, at that moment, as pleasant as hearing the fallout from dude's late-night snack echoing in the men's room.

There's a men's room around the corner from the RASP office. I love this restroom. There are only a handful of people that use it because of its location. It's usually clean.

This was not the case today. I wouldn't say it was filthy, but there was liquid around the base of both toilets--the crapper and the urinal. Maybe it was just water; those toilets flush with power. But I figured it probably wasn't. So while standing in the spray of another man's poor aim, I thought about how weird this school is.

Why aren't there clocks in any of the classrooms here? Is this some sort of cost effective measure implemented by the university? Do they not want the students or teachers knowing what time it is for some reason? There is a clock in one my classrooms. It always shows the time as 3:00. That isn't right.

Diana recently stated that she sometimes feels the urge to bite people. She also asked if anyone else ever gets strange impulses. When I walk through the school halls and see a fire alarm, I want to pull it. It's red and stands out. The raised word PULL commands me, begs me to obey. I think about how much downward force it takes to break that little tube beneath the lever, to trigger the alarm. I wonder why I've never pulled a fire alarm before. Is it cowardice or social compliance? I wonder.


Anonymous said...

I think you're chickenshit.

Do it.

Diana said...

Social compliance is what keeps me from biting.

P.S. So far you've been the only man brave enough to own up to a strange impulse. thank you.

Bryan said...

All the men's bathroom doors are open because, if I understand, there was an issue a while back about perverts hiding out in the men's rooms, so somehow keeping the doors open stops that I guess...but only a little because there was a report last semester I think of some pervert with dreadlocks peeking under stalls at guys taking shits.

Also, if you want the door closed, it's just a little latch up there that can be flipped up. It's what I usually do because I'm not a fan of the open door bathroom's either. Though that does mean I have to touch the door handle, which I'm not a fan of either. What really bugs me is the urinal arrangment in the bathrooms, and pretty much all men piss stations that don't have any privacy.

Oh, as for the strange impulse...I'l have to think about it.

Jorge said...

I'll have to show you the super secret Armstrong uber bathroom sometime. It's nifty.