Canned Wood

At the Canned Heat concert last Saturday, I witnessed many people dancing—namely, a crowd of baby boomers and David Clisbee.  Clisbee had a handle on his situation.  He rocked out in the front row, holding on to the metal barrier for dear life while storms of sixty-year-old arms and legs—enveloped in a cloud of dust and swarming dragonflies—swung and flailed around him.  These baby boomers, bitten by the dancing bug, moved with the grace and malleability of petrified wood.  It was quite a site, one I’d use as proof that there’s an over supply of Viagra and Cialis to this specific demographic.  Is it that E.D. pills help old guys get hard, or does it keep them hard long enough to give them the impression that the sex was worth their time?  I ask because new reports suggest baseball players use dick pills to gain a competitive edge.  They’re reported to increase an athlete’s stamina.  Imagine playing shortstop in the majors: you’re trying to turn a 4-6-3 double play when you notice the base runner barreling down on you with a Texas-sized boner.  Sure gives new meaning to the phrase sliding in, spikes up.  Whatever the reasoning may be, the dance moves I saw executed last weekend made me think that getting it up would be difficult for these men.  This is not to say that the baby boomer women were unattractive; I was too distracted by the spastic shoulder bobs and rhythmically inept hip twists to notice looks.  I’m not sure why the Baptist church was so afraid dancing would lead to sex during the baby boomers’ teenage years.  There was nothing sexy about what happened at Canned Heat.  Nothing.