Saturday, October 10, 2009


My mom is on the Facebook, which I find both hilarious and frightening. I can only imagine the weird shit she'll say on her status updates. (Oh, shoot! My latest batch of potato salad didn't turn out too well.) Or her responses to mine. (What does boner-kill mean?)

It's super weird signing in to Facebook and seeing my mom's sole update under the Highlights column on the left-hand side of the screen. "Irene DeWolf is single." That's the sort of announcement that says, "I'm on the prowl." The thought of my mom using Facebook--the one social networking site I'm on--to pick up dudes doesn't sit right with me. There are a ton of creeps on this site. Case in point: me.

At the beginning of this semester, I looked up everyone from my English 101 roster on Facebook. I wanted to know what to expect: are there any bad seeds in my class? do any of these kids like music that doesn't suck? am I going to laugh at any of them because of the way they look? These are good things to know beforehand. How's it going to look if the slack-jawed, crossed-eye chick walks into my class on the first day, and I start pointing and cackling at her? Pretty fucking awkward. It's called desensitizing. You stare at the little freak's picture until her appearance no longer makes you laugh.

On a side note: It amazes me how many people don't privatize their FB accounts. Are they aware that creeps like me are on the internet in swarms? Guess not.

My point is that I'm not cool with my mom advertising her relationship status on Facebook. There are plenty of dating sites out there that I imagine weed out the creeps more effectively. Or, at least, those sites give the illusion that they're creep-free. I fear the day when my mom's relationship status changes to "in a relationship," only to find a profile picture of her with some dude sporting a porn-stache and a skullet.


reenska said...

I told you I only joined because that site will be the only place to find out about any future HS reunions. Really, I am not on the prowl. If I haven't dated up to now, why would I start at my age. Plus I didn't know so many people would ask to be my friend, otherwise I wouldn't have spent so much time on the site.

Anonymous said...

The thought of the porn-stache eating your mom's potato salad made me throw up inside my mouth.