What's going on in MLB?

A week ago Felix Pie suffered from testicular torsion. Now Kaz Matsui is going through this.  I wonder if his workout regimen is responsible.  


This is my second prediction for the 2008 season:  Bobby Jenks will miss three to four weeks after a recurring bout of spastic lactating nipples.  The problem will be dealt with once Lane Bryant joins forces with Kimberly-Clark Worldwide Inc. and Larry David to produce a padded "bro" or "mansiere" for the portly flame-thrower.  Jenks will sign a yuge endorsement deal, one that will require him to make personal appearances at Lane Bryant and to become a TV spokesman for Huggies.  He'll also be contractually obligated to apply sunscreen lotion to Larry David's scalp prior to golf outings.  Jenks, you sell-out.