If you're going to be a creep, be prepared to face facts

I'm a creep. That's not news, really; I've been a creep for quite some time. Specifically, though, I engage in a practice that I'm sure colleagues and other teachers have performed but might not talk about openly. I Facebook stalk my students.

This usually occurs twice during a semester: before the first class meets and after Final's week. I look up everyone on my roster before the semester starts because I like to get a feel for who's in my class, and I check after the last meeting to see if anyone's bitching about me or my class. Side note: it's amazing how many of these students don't privatize their accounts. Anyway, I would tell myself that my FB stalking at the beginning of the semester was a way to match students' names to their faces quicker. Until last semester, while performing my FB search in one window, class roster open in another, I called bullshit on myself, realizing I could care less which name belonged to each face. Bottom line: I'm just a nosey little bitch.

That, combined with an afternoon bout of lethargy a week back, led me to conduct a midsemester FB search of my students. And of course, one of the search results yielded exactly what I was hoping no to find: a student bashing my course in his status updates. Every Monday, either before class or after, there was a negative review of my class. "Are there any justifiable reasons not to go to class a class?" read one status, posted half an hour before our meeting time. Another said, "[Name] Wishes he wouldnt have taken intro to creative writing, not one of my better ideas....." The most recent simply stated, "intro to creative writing sucks."

A story recently appeared in the news about a woman who was fired for saying nasty things about her boss on Facebook. Now I know I'm not this student's boss, and he wasn't saying anything about me personally, but it got me wondering about the limits of my jurisdiction. What if someone committed academic dishonesty and posted something about it on Facebook? Could I be like this teacher and enforce some sort of punishment? Would it just be considered hearsay? And would I be investigated for Facebook stalking if I were the whistle-blower?

This student sits along the left side of the classroom. He's in my periphery when I'm standing up front, delivering the lecture or leading a discussion. Often I see him roll his eyes, but it hasn't looked like a sign of disgust. The way he rolls his eyes--quick, and in groups of threes--had made me think it was some sort of a tick, like he had Tourette's. Maybe I'm just naive, delusional, or in a massive state of denial. But now I'm aware that's rolling his eyes in disgust, and that my Intro to Creative Writing class totally sucks balls.

It's an insecurity I've been clinging to while this whole job search has generated few job interviews and ever fewer jobs: I'm under-qualified to teach any subject at any level. This FB status, along with the student's classroom presence, seemed to validate the notion. He represented the entire class, along with every class I've taught. My mind continued rolling down the slippery slope, until I got to class. Instead of letting my insecurity rattle my nerves, I let my insecurities fire up my cruel side. I lectured, never posing questions or giving the students a chance to speak. I maintained a firm tone and didn't vary the lengths of my sentences. When it came time to discuss upcoming due dates, the discussion remained one-sided. I told them not to bother turning in work late because anyone who didn't turn in their assignments on time would receive zeros. I had gone over everything I possibly could in preparation for the next three weeks in this curt manner. It was brutally boring and completely satisfying. I had reasserted my power as the almighty Instructor.

Then I checked the clock. Only an hour had passed; the class was supposed to go another two hours and forty-five minutes. I had nothing left to say. That's when I took a breath and realized that I had misdirected my anger for what one student had said and projected toward the whole class. I was pretty sure it didn't teach that one student a lesson, and the rest of the class was probably wondering what was up my ass. So I toned it down and opened up the class for questions. They came flying from every direction, so I slowly explained everything they needed to know in order to get a passing grade in my class. Whether I took it too far while acting like a jackass, or whether ended up pussing out, one thing remains constant: when it comes to Facebook, I'm a creep.