Friday, February 27, 2009

Daily Musing


Guys: always wear gloves in winter.  Because when you come inside to use the bathroom, you’ll find out how cold your hands really are.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Oh, man


Johnny "Red" Kerr and Norm Van Lier died today. Both men were broadcasters and former players for the Chicago Bulls. I was shocked to see the headlines. Especially since Van Lier was only 61. I mean, what are the odds two of the most loved Bulls personalities would pass on the same day, hours apart? This is truly a sad day for Chicago sports fans.


Red
1932-2009

Stormin' Norman
1947-2009

Daily Musing

While driving in the worst snowstorm of the year, the ideal position on the road is behind a snow plow. Not in front of one.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Daily Musing


When your carpet is six shades of brown, the splotches arranged in no specific pattern, you could vomit on the floor in your apartment and not have to spend much time trying to cover up the stain.  No one will ever notice.  Even if it never actually comes to this, it's nice to know the option is available.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I'm on a plane


One day I'd love to get on a plane without any luggage.  Not even a carry-on.  It must be so liberating, not having that extra worry.  There's already enough to cause a passenger anxiety, what with the traffic to the airport, the lines at check in and security, the wait in the terminal.  Then there's the takeoff, traveling 300+ mph at an altitude of 30,000 feet, the landing.  And I can't tell you how many hours I've spent standing alongside the carousel at baggage claim, waiting with the other passengers to see who'll be making a trip to customer service instead of continuing on to their destination.  

I'd like to be able to enter an airport, slip through the security checkpoints the way Barry Sanders used to zig-zag past the second level, and get on a plane with nothing in my arms.  To land in a new place without any bags, to walk off a plane and out of the airport without a plan or sense of direction--I imagine the weightlessness of the experience would grant me the chance to relax. 

Daily Musing


Is mayonnaise still good if it has sat out of the fridge for, let's say, 10 hours?  If you think about, the jar sat on a store shelf for God knows how long.  And it didn't spoil then.  Keep in mind this is practically a whole jar, used maybe once.  It shouldn't go to waste because someone got careless.  Besides, it doesn't smell that bad.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Daily Musing


At the end of the night, you might look down at your shirt and notice the day's activities (or lack thereof) have left it spotless.  In fact, it's so clean that you probably don't need to include it in this week's wash cycle.  But then you sneeze, forget to cover your nose, and spray quite the honker all over the front of that shirt.  Saving an extra quarter on laundry--well, not this week.  Not this week.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Daily Musing


Why is it called a Pac-Man BLT?  

The ingredients: Wheat toast, mayo, salt and pepper, iceberg lettuce, sliced beefsteak tomato, and fried bologna.  If you've ever tried to fry bologna, you know that the center of the disk bubbles up and doesn't make contact with the pan.  In order to remedy this situation, slice the disk from the center to the edge, creating a radius.  When the meat begins to warm up, the incision will separate and the disk will look like Pac-Man.  

If you decide that you want cheese on your BLT, make sure you don't use imitation Kraft Singles.  Splurge on the real thing.  The imitation slices melt too easily, achieving the consistency of nacho cheese; however, and let me tell you from experience, these semi-solid slices of vegetable oil taste nothing like nacho cheese.  Not even close.  Oouuhh.  

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Daily Musing


When your stomach hair decides to gather lint from your undershirt and hide it in your belly button, make sure you have clipped AND filed your fingernails before digging out the cotton ball.  The closer you get to the pit of your stomach, the slower the wound tends to heal. 

Friday, February 20, 2009

Daily Musing


When using the stall in a public bathroom, it’s not enough to check to make sure there’s toilet paper.  Sometimes the auxiliary dispenser is full, but the lever won’t budge—access denied to its contents.  In those cases, you sit on the throne a few minutes longer.  You wonder, “Is it too cold to walk around without socks?”

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Daily Musing


When it's cold enough to where you don't want to go outside, yet you decide to order a pizza for pickup, make sure when you pull up to the drive-thru that your window isn't frozen shut.  It'll save you from looking like a tool.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Icy Hot

Icy to dull 
the pain, Hot 
to relax it away.  
Oh, how you dizzy 
me when I over-
use you, and the cool
scent of methyl
salicylate pings
at my gut, reminds
me of Wint-O-Green
LifeSavers.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Teeths don't fail me now

The chip in my number 3 molar (top right--maxillary?) turned into a crater the other night. The tooth doesn't hurt, though the tip of my tongue is red and bumpy because I can't stop poking at this rough spot in the enamel.

To give you a better idea of where this chip is located, think of the molar as an upside-down crown. Imagine one of the crown's points being clipped off--the point on the pallet side of the mouth. Touching that spot with my tongue is unavoidable. It's practically resting against the crater.

Plus, I kind of like feeling the serrated edge of my tooth. Even if it wasn't in direct contact with my tongue at all times, I would search it out. The abrasion can probably be buffed out at the dentist, but I'd rather take care of it with my tongue. And I don't have dental, so...

Is it so wrong to like the minor amount of pain that rubbing this chip inflicts? Sure it feels like I've got a sticker on the tip of my tongue, but if I keep working it won't the sticker peel off? I can't help it; I'm addicted.

I'm not too worried about smoothing out the rough spot just yet. I've chipped other teeth, and those chips have regained their slick integrity. What I am concerned about is the fact that this rough spot is deeper than previous ones. This can't be good in terms of increasing the tooth's susceptibility to decay. It's been nearly two years since my last visit to the dentist, and I can feel the cavities in my teeth. I know the school offers cleanings and inspections for a decent price, but I'm hesitant to go in for a check-up.

I got my first cavity at the age of 21, and I don't think I'm ready to find out that that number has increase times 10 in less than six years. The dentist has always told me that I have great teeth, I do a fine job brushing. Aside from the occasional x-ray, my visits consist of nothing more than a cleaning. To go to a dentist and hear that my teeth are mess, to be asked when was the last time I had a check-up, I would feel like a let-down, a disappointment. I don't want to accept the truth. And I would like to keep working on this jagged tooth. It distracts me from other body aches and worries.