What to do when there's a rain delay

I met Ernie Banks at a Ronald McDonald Children's Charity golf tournament when I was eleven.  Michael Jordan was hosting the tournament over Labor Day weekend in 1992, and he invited an elite group of fellow athletes.  My neighbor worked for Waste Management and got me a job as a trash collector for the weekend.  I basically got paid to watch celebrities tee off or putt (depending where I was working on a given day) and collect autographs.  Occasionally, I had to change the liner in the trash can when it got full.  

The second day of the event I worked one of the greens on the back nine.  When Michael Jordan got to this green, he was surrounded by hundreds of spectators.  No one was allowed to get near him, though, and he wasn't signing autographs until Labor Day.  I could barely get a good look at Air Jordan because there were so many people around, and I was a little kid.  

When his group left, there was a break in the action.  The next group to tee off wasn't scheduled to show up for another half hour.  I checked my schedule and saw that Ernie Banks was up next.  A few weeks earlier, my uncle had given me an Ernie Banks 1968 Topps baseball card for my birthday.  I had the card with me and was preparing to have to fight through a swarm of onlookers to obtain Mr. Cub's signature.  I thought that if Michael Jordan had a hundred people following him, Ernie Banks would have at least a thousand.  

When I saw the next group of golfers on the horizon, lining up their shots and hoping to reach the green, I was confused.  There were about a half dozen people on the fairway, so I figured it wasn't the group with which Ernie Banks was golfing.  It couldn't have been.  Where were all the Cubs fans?  I asked one of the supervisors if Ernie Banks was in that group.  He looked at his schedule and said, "Yeah, he should be."

The group got to the green and sure enough, Mr. Cub was with them, the biggest smile I've ever seen stretched across his face.  I froze.  I didn't say anything to him when he finished his putt.  He walked past me and smiled, his cheeks puffed like two doughnut holes.  He tipped his cap and walked to the next tee.  I kept still.  

I had told the supervisor about the baseball card I had brought.  He came up to me and asked if I had gotten it signed.  I shook my head, and he asked me why I hadn't.  I shrugged.  I was still in complete awe of having been in the presence of Ernie Banks, Cub legend.  Mr. Cub had acknowledged me!  

The supervisor took me by the hand, and we jogged to the next tee.  Ernie Banks had just hit his tee shot, and the group was preparing to walk the fairway to retrieve their golf balls.  The supervisor asked Ernie if he'd be willing to sign my baseball card.  Ernie turned around, that friendly smile still on his face, and said, "Of course!"

He asked me how I was doing (I nodded), if I was a Cubs fan (Of course!), if I played baseball (yes), and what position I played (third base).

"Ah, the hot corner!"  He said.  He signed my baseball card, shook my hand, and told me to have a great day.  And I did.  I had an ear-to-ear smile for the rest of the weekend.  When he spoke to me, he seemed like he could have been my neighbor, or someone from church.   He was a regular person, not a Hall of Fame baseball legend.

When I started writing this, the Cubs were in a rain delay.  I re-watched the pregame ceremonies here and was going to simply post the video, not knowing how long the delay would last.  The video is an unveiling of the new Ernie Banks statue outside of Wrigley Field.  I can't wait to go back home and see it this summer.  I just hope that Wrigley Field is still named Wrigley Field when I finally do get back.

My left eye has been twitching for the past week.  I've found the best way to cause further irritation is to gouge the eye with my dry knuckles.  Since I don't take care of my chronic dry hands, the knuckle skin is rough, cracked, and scabby.  My left eye doesn't care for my methods.  It still twitches.

Poop and other shit

This school makes no sense. Someone--the janitor? the president? a fecalpheliac?--feels it is necessary to keep the doors to men's bathrooms open at all times. Damn near all of them.

I walked by a men's room on my way to work this morning--the one closest to that large indoor track, for those of you who familiar with MSU. The door that says MEN on it, wide open. There was a man in there--at least I hope it was a man--and he was dropping a deucenberg. I know because I heard him. From the hallway. The whoopie-cushion sounds slapping back and forth against the tile walls, which would usually make me giggle, actually made me feel sorry for the guy.

Students, faculty, staff, and vistors passing by do not need to experience the sounds of a public restroom like that. Why are the fucking doors to the men's restrooms always open at this school?
I kept walking to work, and a woman who I've never seen/met before said, "Good morning." This bugged me. She didn't know that I don't enjoy speaking to people early in the morning or that I had just heard the first movement of Bathroom Symphonique; I understand this. But that's exactly why one shouldn't talk to strangers. When I heard this unwarranted greeting, my whole body tensed. The sound of her voice was, at that moment, as pleasant as hearing the fallout from dude's late-night snack echoing in the men's room.

There's a men's room around the corner from the RASP office. I love this restroom. There are only a handful of people that use it because of its location. It's usually clean.

This was not the case today. I wouldn't say it was filthy, but there was liquid around the base of both toilets--the crapper and the urinal. Maybe it was just water; those toilets flush with power. But I figured it probably wasn't. So while standing in the spray of another man's poor aim, I thought about how weird this school is.

Why aren't there clocks in any of the classrooms here? Is this some sort of cost effective measure implemented by the university? Do they not want the students or teachers knowing what time it is for some reason? There is a clock in one my classrooms. It always shows the time as 3:00. That isn't right.

Diana recently stated that she sometimes feels the urge to bite people. She also asked if anyone else ever gets strange impulses. When I walk through the school halls and see a fire alarm, I want to pull it. It's red and stands out. The raised word PULL commands me, begs me to obey. I think about how much downward force it takes to break that little tube beneath the lever, to trigger the alarm. I wonder why I've never pulled a fire alarm before. Is it cowardice or social compliance? I wonder.

Peanut butter and apple sandwich with a tall glass of ice cold milk=greatest dinner ever.

Don't Think

On the surface, one might look at Mad Dog's outing yesterday and say, "Dude got rocked."  He did allow 7 runs--six of those coming in the top half of the first--over four innings, but only two runs were earned.  It's still spring, and I don't think that this is anything to be alarmed about.  Both Bobby Cox and Leo Mazzoni (former manager and pitching coach, respectively) have told the same story about the Maddux approach to Spring Training.  According to his former coaches, the Professor would intentionally work batters into specific counts during Spring Training, then throw them a giant meatball.  He'd let them hit the ball as hard as they could, allowing the batters to think that they got to him.  During the regular season, when he'd face those batters in the same count or in a similar situation, they'd have a thought of what he was going to throw them.  But instead of fulfilling those expectations, Maddux would throw them something else.  He'd make the batters look foolish.  

And while he's dismissed these stories as being untrue, that his coaches made it up, I can't help but wonder that there may be some truth to them.  Maddux is a crafty pitcher.  He likes to get in the batters' heads; he's said this.  Jeff Kent has stated that Maddux doesn't look at the strike zone when he's on the mound; he looks into the batter's eyes.  Head games.

Warning: bold 2008 MLB predictions to follow.  Please refrain from eating, as doing so while reading these strange claims might cause you to choke.  

Greg Maddux will win sixteen games this year, placing him in a tie with Warren Spahn for fifth on the all-time career wins list.  This prediction, of course, is contingent on Josh Bard or anyone other than Michael Barrett working behind the plate.  

Javier Vasquez will lead the White Sox in wins, again.  He, too, will win sixteen games this season, two more than Mark Buehrle.  Javy's been a tough luck pitcher the last three seasons.  I know there was that difficult period (the whole season, basically) in 2006 when he was unable to get past the sixth, but that didn't seem to be an issue last year.  The `07 Sox screwed him out of half a dozen wins with no run support and a faulty bullpen.  

Kerry Wood was named the Cubs' closer today.  And while Jay Marrioti might not like this, Sweet Lou has spoken.  Pending he remains healthy, I'm taking the over if the threshold for Wood saves this season is set at 30.  If for nothing else, I say this because I can't stand Marrioti, with his squinty eyes and puckered lips.  This frop can't stand anyone who isn't named Michael Jordan.  

Children with power

A St. Cloud bridge was closed yesterday due to the fact that it's in bad shape. It will remain closed until repairs can be made. I'm not sure how vital this bridge is to the St. Cloud community and surrounding area, but it represents quite a large problem--the weakening of this country's infrastructure, how to fix and pay for it.

Minnesota Governor (pictured, far left) Tim Pawlenty--a Republican who is apparently trapped in the eighties when it comes to both politics and hairstyles--had vetoed a transportation bill to fix roads and bridges that would have increased taxes. The state legislature voted to override the veto late last month. Pawlenty, with his shaved temples and young mullet, responded to news of the vote by stating, "The DFL has done what it does best, which is to raise taxes on Minnesota families." And here's where I've got a problem with this dicknose.

He says that this is not the time to be burdening families with higher taxes, referencing the economic down-turn that this nation is currently facing. If he really cares for Minnesota families, why is he putting their lives at risk by not making this issue of repairing weak bridges a top priority? Yes, taxes will go up with the passing of this bill, and yes, that's unfortunate, but we also need to take a few things into account.

First, which taxes will be raised? Income? No. Property? No. According to this letter from Pawlenty to the Speaker of the House, a gas tax increase (5 cents/gallon, initially, eventually climbing to a total 8.5 cents/gallon), a sales tax increase (.25% in metro areas), a driver's license and fees increase, and an increased fee on the purchase of new vehicles were the reasons he initially vetoed the bill. What does this mean? Well, with the exception of the sales tax increase, it means that if you want to drive on safer roads and bridges, you have to pay--with money, not your life. The national average price of a gallon of gasoline is 20 cents higher than the Minnesota average. Pawlenty states that raising the gasoline tax would, "propel Minnesota from a state gas tax ranking of 28th in the nation to a ranking of 7th."

So fucking what? I'll pay an extra nickel a gallon if it means not having to worry about a bridge collapse on my way to North Mankato for one of Roger's post-Good Thunder raves. This brings me to my second point. Why is Pawlenty against this bill? Republicans have always been against raising taxes, sure, but this year is different. The Republican National Convention will be held in Minneapolis this November. John McCain is looking for a running mate with youth and a strong conservative presence. I don't know what his preference is toward mullets and wearing blazers over t-shirts, though. But what better way for Pawlenty to showcase his conservative ideals of lower taxation than by vetoing a bill that could prevent the loss of life. He wants to be Vice President.

Finally, along the lines of economic burden, Pawlenty cited the state deficit as another reason for his decision to veto the bill. This bill creates additional spending ($3.6 million this budget period, $86 million through 2011) the governor doesn't believe the state can afford. A valid point. However, it raises the question of how he planned to fix roads and bridges throughout the state. The governor's plan is to enact a ten year bonding, or borrowing, program with a cost of $1.7 billion dollars. He wants to borrower money in a time when Minnesota's deficit of $373 million is growing? That plan blows more chode than Elliot Spitzer's internet pals. I mean, who does this guy think he is, Dub-yah?

The fact of the matter is that political quibbling gets us nowhere. Which is why six Republicans, knowing this problem with the state's infrastructure needed immediate attention, crossed party lines and changed their vote to override Pawlenty's veto. Isn't there some sort of saying out there, I can't remember it exactly, but I think it goes along the lines of, "united, we stand"?

It's getting really hard to defend you, Kid-K

This doesn't surprise me.  To list every injury that Kerry Wood has endured, suffered through, inflicted upon himself--take your pick--might cause a complete lock-up of the world wide web.  In addition, you and I don't have enough time to go through that whole mess.  That said, Sweet Lou says that Kerry's just got a stiff back, that it's nothing, it's minor.  It's never minor when it comes to Wood.

SIU won its first game of the NIT in a rematch of the 1st round, 2005 tourney.  They took care of business against the Cowboys of OK State with tenacious defense (even w/out top defender Bryan Mullins--done for the year w/a stress fracture), a copious amount of offensive boards, many assists, and a high shooting percentage.  I hate to say that tomorrow probably won't go as well for the maroon and white.  ASU has a damn fine basketball team.  The game is in Tempe where the Sun Devils have won 14 of their last 15 non-conference games.  They deserved to be in the field of 65 with a chance to go dancing.

Less than 12 hours to get your free ESPN tourney brackets completed.  Go to the website, sign up (it's free), and fill out up to 10 brackets.  You could win a ton of prizes if your picks turn out to be correct.  It's an excuse to follow the tourney if you're not a college basketball fan, and it's a chance to reap the benefits of gambling without actually losing anything.  Why not?

I think Kansas is going all the way this year.  I've filled out some "upset" brackets, but most of mine have KU winning it all.  There's not much parity from top to bottom in the league this season--maybe due to the one-and-done freshman from last year.  I think we could see an all number 1 seed Final Four this year.  The Jayhawks, however, can adapt to any team's game, but when they get to play their style--transition, fast-break, score as many points in 40 minutes as possible--they're the toughest team in the field.  Plus, they can exploit the zone defense better than most NBA teams.  Should be fun.

Here's to my asshole neighbors

I live in an 80 year old house that's split into 3 apartments.  There's the basement, the main level, and the upstairs.  I'm upstairs.  The main level unit is occupied by two brothers--twins.  One plays guitar, the other plays bass.  They play their instruments whenever it is convenient for them to do so.  Often, that happens to occur after 1am.  And even though the guitarist plays an acoustic and the bassist plays at very low volumes, they forget two important details: 1. The house is 80 years old and the walls are about as thick as tracing paper, and 2. Bass travels well no matter how much the volume has been lowered.  I've never complained about it because they happen to play music I like: Metallica, Pantera, Opeth, Led Zepplin.  I feel sorry for the two people who live below them because they don't look like the sort of people that appreciate hard rock and metal.

There are enough parking spots at this house to fit 4 cars--3 along the side, 1 in the carport in back.  If you double up in the car port, which the tenants in the basement do (bless them), there's room for 5 cars.  At the beginning of the school year, there were six cars that belonged to people residing here.  At least one car would have to park in the church parking lot behind the house.  That was fine when it wasn't snowing, but during winter the church threatens to tow when it snows.  Both of these brothers have girlfriends.  They each have cars and like to park along side the house and spend the night, leaving actual tenants--the people who are paying to live here--shit out of luck.  I mentioned this to the brothers, asked them if they could tell their friends not to park here seeing as there aren't enough spots for us.  They had said okay, then looked at me like I was the asshole.  

The front door of the apartment doesn't always close; we've got a cranky dead-bolt.  These twins like to throw parties.  Their friends like to smoke.  We're not allowed to smoke in the house--fine by me, I don't do well with cigarette smoke.  Their friends don't close the front door when they smoke.  It creeps into the house, through the cracks of my front door, and rises up to my room, chasing me into the closet where I curl up into a little ball and end up sucking my thumb.  I'm a wuss.

Sometimes, these parties last long.  Sometimes one of the brothers or one of their friends gets into an argument with one of their girlfriends.  They leave the brother's unit for privacy and stand in front of my door to yell and cry and throw their fists into the wall.  Sometimes these parties take place on Monday nights and they go on until 6 o'clock in the morning.  That wakes me up.  That makes me mad.  Especially when I didn't get to bed until 2am because there was a party going on downstairs.  

I didn't go downstairs to ask them to quiet it down for two reasons: 1. It sounded like things were being wrapped up (even though they didn't conclude until around a quarter to eight), and 2. I, too, am an asshole.  A special kind of asshole.  The kind that would rather exact revenge, than plead my case to fellow assholes.  They won't listen to me anyways.  Their girlfriends still park along side of the house.  

Also, one of the girlfriends, the hippie that rubs that nasty patchouli shit in her hair, thus making her smell like there are constant pudding stains in her underpants, she likes to piss me off the most.  Her and her damn Dodge Neon.  She parks in my spot more often than the other one.  She has to be heard when there are too many people talking in one room.  She sounds like Daisy from Rock of Love 2, if you've seen the show.  She decided to write me messages in the light dusting of snow on my car last night.  Messages like "I heart (the shape, not the word) peace (again, the symbol)."  

If she's so into peace, why does she want to start a war?

Now, I said earlier that I was a special kind of asshole.  Four hours of sleep will do that to me.  I tried to think of a way to give them a taste of their own medicine.  So at noon, four hours after their party died down, I decided to check my music library for the perfect wake-up call.  There's nothing worse than getting only four hours of sleep after a long night of drinking.  

I found Tricky.  If you've never heard him, know this:  His voice is gargled gravel, he uses mostly percussion, he has a creepy girl doing spacey background vocals, there's a lot of bass.  Here's one of the songs (youtube doesn't do the bass justice):

Currently, we're on disc 2 of this "I'm going to wake you up with obnoxious music like you did to me, you goddam cock-rags" day.  The volume on my stereo is riding at about 3, which is surprisingly powerful.  My ears are buzzing, and I can't hear a damn thing between songs.  Remember, my walls are paper thin.

Right here, assholes.

Would this be considered passive, over-aggressive behavior?

Next up, Angel Dust by Faith No More.  Or maybe some Slayer?  God Hates Us All?  Sounds like a plan.

Why don't we do it where?

Somehow, SIU was invited to participate in the NIT tournament.  While they did finish 3rd in the Missouri Valley Conference, they also managed to pile up 14 losses.  I'm happy they're in, but I don't necessarily think they played to their potential this season.  That said, the Salukis will host OK State tomorrow in the first round of the tourney, and the game will be broadcast on ESPN2 at 8pm--during workshop.  

The Cubs have a Friday Spring Training game on the 21st against the Rockies at 3pm on ESPN2 and another against the Brew Crew the following Thursday at 2pm on WGN.  I'll be at work during both of these games.  

Now, I happen to spend way too much time in front of the TV, and the worst part is that I don't even really like most of the shit that I end up watching.  There are the reruns of shows that I've already seen twenty times, sports and news and sports-news shows, Billy Mays infomercials, home shopping networks (they're hilarious, trust me), and then there's this.  I saw it on channel 14 one day when doing the "flip-through."  Here's the video in case you didn't click the link.

When something does come on that I would like to watch, it happens to be when I'm not around a TV.  These basketball and baseball games aren't more important than my classes or work, not in the least bit.  If they were, I'd just skip them [classes and work].  But I don't because I know my priorities.  My point is that I need to turn off the TV more often.  This weekend, I watched less TV than usual.  I got a lot of reading done.  This is a good start.  Wasting my time watching "cough safe" and sales shows hasn't really done any good.

In case you needed further proof

I don't see how Fox News will be able to explain this one, seeing as the Pentagon sponsored the report.  They'll probably continue to hype up the Obama-Rev. Wright relationship, deride the democrats for having their heads up their asses with the whole Michigan/Florida debacle, or continue to site reasons why the economy is not in trouble--anything to deflect the truth from their viewers.  Dubba is the greatest President, ever.  That's what I learn watching that network.  I need to stop watching Fox News; it's so damn trashy.  But I can't.  It's like crack: you know it's bad, but there's just no quitting.  

I will leave you with the following video for two reasons. 

1. Don't buy everything that Fox is trying to sell you.

2. I found out that Mr. Hartigan has visited this site, and I know he's a Frank Zappa fan.  

Enjoy.

Back in the `Sota, again

The drive back to Mankato today happened to be quite enjoyable.  The Sox hosted the Cubs in Arizona, so XM played the South-Sider's broadcast.  It was my first chance to hear the new radio duo--Ed Farmer and Steve Stone.  And it was everything I thought it would be.  

The two sound like they've been radio partners for the past ten years.  Farmer's leading the show, asking Stoney questions about pitch selection and approach, setting the table for his color commentator like any good play-by-play announcer should.  There's little hesitation when either of them responds to the other's question, there's no down-time (crucial for radio broadcasts--sorry, Hawk), and the anecdotes are funny, interesting, and relevant.  As a diehard Cubs fan I hate to say this, but I'm excited about White Sox baseball--speaking strictly from a radio broadcasting standpoint!  

It was great to be back home for the week.  The fam, the friends, the bars--all good times.  I'm not going to miss the traffic, though.  I swear it seems like the number of cars on the road grows exponentially any time I leave and come back.  I'm also not going to miss the gnarled roads.  There's a trench separating the lanes of I-90 west, just past the 290 extension.  Merging and changing lanes on this road will completely fuck up your car's alignment.  Traveller beware.

What's going on in MLB?

A week ago Felix Pie suffered from testicular torsion. Now Kaz Matsui is going through this.  I wonder if his workout regimen is responsible.  


This is my second prediction for the 2008 season:  Bobby Jenks will miss three to four weeks after a recurring bout of spastic lactating nipples.  The problem will be dealt with once Lane Bryant joins forces with Kimberly-Clark Worldwide Inc. and Larry David to produce a padded "bro" or "mansiere" for the portly flame-thrower.  Jenks will sign a yuge endorsement deal, one that will require him to make personal appearances at Lane Bryant and to become a TV spokesman for Huggies.  He'll also be contractually obligated to apply sunscreen lotion to Larry David's scalp prior to golf outings.  Jenks, you sell-out.  

Happy Birthday, Billy Crystal.

You lucky son of a bitch.

I need to become friends with powerful people.

Ye-hes!

So begins a potential season-long brawl.  And it's not even between the Yanks and Boston.  It sucks that NY's prospect broke his wrist, and I know you've got to protect your teammates, but I think Shelly Duncan was out of line on this one.  He slid in high when he was out by a mile.  The Yankee's starting pitcher hit Eva Longoria in the first inning and got ejected.  That should have ended it.  He claimed that the grazing of Mrs. Parker's jersey wasn't intentional, but i don't believe anything a Yankee says.  That includes you, Joe Girardi!  You wish you were Jody Davis.  (I can't stay mad at you, Girardi.)

Here's a shoddy video of the take-out slide, and Johnny Gomes's reaction.  Got to hand it to the umps for stepping in right away.  They're in mid-season form.

The Cubs play San Diego today, and there was quite the scuffle between Derrek Lee and Chris Young last season.  Not sure if that'll carry over, but I think I'm itching to see another brawl.  I'm not posting a video of that fight because D-Lee did puss out after failing to connect with his first punch.  It's still pretty embarrassing.  

April's right around the corner

Ever since news broke of Felix Pie getting Mendenhalled, I've been feeling sympathy pains for the guy. This is not to be confused with pulling a Mendenhall, whereby a legally blind radio sidekick goes around the Anaheim Angels' hotel knocking on player's doors at dawn in an attempt to help out the Sox during the 2005 ALCS. I'm talking about "testicular torsion." That's where, according to Mendenhall, your left nut winds up occupying right nut territory.  Unlike Mendenhall, however, it appears as though doctors will be able to save Pie's twisted nut.  

I've been able to catch three Cubs games and two Sox games on TV since being back home.  A third Sox game will be on CSN later today.  I can't wait--not because I'm a Sox fan, but because I love watching baseball.  

Kerry Wood has looked good, from what I've seen.  He's consistently hitting 97-98 mph on the gun, and his command looks better than ever.  The best part is that his mechanics look fantastic.  He's not over-throwing or twisting his elbow like he did in his first 9 seasons.  The fact that he's abandoned his power curve probably has something to do with that.  Now, he's incorporating a two-seamer and a tight-spiraled slider to go along with his 4-seamed fastball.  He's got a nice, easy rhythm that can only help him make his case for becoming the new Cubs' closer.  While Marmol has yet to allow a run this spring, I still think Wood's got the edge over him because of the command issues.  Marmol's looked wild, his fastball's been topping out at 92, and he hasn't been facing opponent's starters.  Nothing's been decided, though.

I wish the season would start tomorrow.

Bad Timing

Rick Robbins recently sent out an e-mail regarding the University of North Dakota's 2008 Writers Conference. Some of the artists that will be reading/speaking include Salman Rushdie, Russell Banks, and Junot Diaz. Too bad this will be taking place at the same time as the Good Thunder Eddice B. Barber Visiting Writer Program--the guest this year being Tom Franklin. I'm hoping to snag one of the workshops while he's here (not sure how or if these are difficult to obtain--awaiting another mass e-mail from Rick).

I'm convinced that Columbia College in Chicago and MSU don't consult each other when drafting their schedules. Columbia's Story Week 2008 is the week after MSU's spring break, which means I'm not going to be able to see Aimee Bender, Z.Z. Packer, Christina Garcia, or Junot Diaz (again). Joyce Carol Oates was scheduled to give a reading, too, but she canceled her book tour following her husband's death. Chitra Banjeree Divakurani will be taking her place--I'm not familiar with her work, but I'm sure it the entire week will be fantastic.

What could have been

Jim Hendry, you balloon-knot, why couldn't you just pick up the phone?

Now, I don't know how well Hunter would have fared roaming center field in Wrigley; he does have a tendency to crash into the fence when tracking down deep shots. There's also a strange disconnect that players coming from Minnesota seem to have once acquired by the Cubs--they suddenly forget how to perform as well as they had while with the Twins (see Latroy Hawkins and Jacque Jones). I blame previous Cubs' coaching staffs. But the fact that Hendry didn't even bother to call Hunter? That's unforgiveable. He should have stuck it to Zell and spent, spent, spent. It would have made this team better, and isn't that his job? He spent too much damn time concentrating on Kaz Matsui and Brian Roberts. Why? Because he's a balloon-knot. Cubs fans will now have to play the wait-and-see game to determine whether or not Pie or Fuld will pan out in center. I just don't see a championship in this club's future any time soon.

Professor Mad Dog

Greg Maddux was able to accomplish the seemingly impossible among Padres starters, yesterday.  He pitched not only one, but two scoreless innings in his first outing of Spring Training.  The other four Padres starters have combined to allow 11 earned runs over 5 2/3 innings.  

Mad Dog only needed 18 pitches (16 for strikes) to retire 4 Giants on ground balls and 2 via the fly out.  He did not allow a single man to reach base.  When interviewed about the outing, the Professor stated that he was disappointed with his control and felt that he got away with a few.

He is 8 wins away from passing Juice Clemens for 8th all-time in career wins.  Seeing as he's won at least 13 games every season for the past 20 seasons (something Cy Young hadn't even done--19 consecutive seasons win at least 13 wins), I think he'll pass that roid-raging Pinocchio, no problem.  If he has a really good season this year and chalks up 17 wins, he'll pass Warren Spahn for 5th place all-time.  As of now, with 347 W's, Maddux is only 164 wins and about 12 seasons away from catching up to Cy Young.

What'll it be, Guy?

Today is Casimir Pulaski day; and if I were back in grade school in the suburbs of Chicago, I'd have the day off.  The only thing I know about the man and his day is that Pulaski voluntarily fought and died for America in the Revolutionary War, and there are a lot of Polish people in Chicago.  We definitely got the first Monday-in-March off in grade school and junior high; I'm not so sure about high school--whether that's due to habitual drug use or the result of repressing those memories, I simply can't (or refuse to) remember the details.  

Side Note:  Did you know that if you snort Darvocet ground with Cialis, you'll sport a 36 hour, pain-free boner?  Just throwing that out there.

Anyways, I will enjoy only ah beer in Pulaski's honor, as there is work to be done today.  The decision as to which beer to enjoy is quite the dilemma.  I have two options: Leinenkugel's limited edition Northwoods, or Samuel Adam's limited edition Irish Red.  Both are fantastic.  I could drink one of each, but I don't trust myself to stop after two.  You know how it is.  You drink two beers, then two more.  And so on, and so on.  

 

According to my Leinenkugel's newsletter, it's been two years since Northwoods has been produced.  A long two years, I might add.  The beer was only being brewed for distribution during the month of February.  Minnesota, Wisconsin, the Dakotas, northern Illinois, and parts of Michigan were the only available locations to find LNW.  I wasn't able to find it in Mankato until Friday when MGM suddenly decided to carry it.  As for the Sam Adams Irish Red, I had never heard of it before.  I noticed one six pack on the shelf when searching for the LNW and thought, why not.  It's pretty damn tasty.  Better than any other Red I've had, though I can't presently remember all of the Red's I've had over the years.  That, I can assure you, has nothing to do with repressed memories. 

With a fan like me, who needs rivals?

Cubs

Aramis Ramirez has a cranky shoulder, Soriano broke his finger.

Kerry Wood gave up a three-run homer in the Cubs' loss to Torii Hunter.

Marquis basically asked the Cubs for a trade if he is unable to win a starting position, this after he gave up two runs in two innings of work.

Piniella was irked by the Marquis comments.

SIU

The Salukis lost their 13th game of the season to Illinois State.  While ISU is bound for an automatic bid into the big dance, this was only SIU's second at-home conference loss since the `01-`02 season.  And it came on senior night.  How did the seniors fair?  Matt Shaw was 2-11 from the field and Tyrone Green fouled out with 6 points.  Then there was Randal Falker.  He shot 6-8 from the field for 18 points, racked up 14 boards, had two blocks and a steal.  Hopefully, he'll get picked up in the draft this summer.  While his overall stats this season don't look too impressive, he was basically a one-man show in most games.  The only way SIU has a chance to extend their consecutive 20-win season streak to seven is to win out in the MVC tournament.  If they are able to do so, they'll also receive an automatic bid to the NCAA tournament.  Depending on how they play next weekend, I may be a bit cranky.

Bulls

Joe, I'm sorry to say this because I know how much you love all things Jayhawks, but Cap'n Kirk needs to hop on over to Union Station and take an Amtrak south till it runs out of track.  I've said it before, but this team needs Chris Bosh.  If they're fortunate enough (or unfortunate enough, depending on how you look at this season) to get the number one pick in the lottery, they're going to need to pick up Beasley from K-State.  I miss you Joe Smith.  I really do.

Hawks

Martin "Kerry Wood of the Hawks" Havlat is hurt again.  That's not news. 

Bears

Berrian signed with the Vikings.  This means he'll emerge as one of the greatest receivers of all time en-route to the HOF.  Moose signed with the Panthers.  The team re-signed QB's Grossman and Orton which means they don't have a QB or a go-to receiver.  At least they signed Briggs.